Tuesday, July 15, 2008

i give up.

on someone i love. it's time. when the love isn't lost but just changes i still haven't got a grasp on how exactly you let someone "go". i feel like i should just move to a new city unannounced. if it were just me, i probably would.

why am i putting this here, i guess the same reason i put anything here. there isn't one. there also were five more detailed paragraphs i have sinced removed.

somehow i feel like i should delete the bad, find the good in all this, tuck it away, and carry it with me. moving forward. onward. upward. up up and away ! <--i just love to say that one.

i feel really empty. and the oh so typical... lost. and sad. actually tremendously sad. like physically sick sad. bad sad. that's a first. but most people wouldn't know it. most don't. so i am gonna roll with it, and see how this heartache shit plays out. i should get a notebook or journal and start writing down all these "lessons" in how "time heals"... make it an experiment.

and can i say for the record, why is every fucking song on the radio about being in love - or - losing love! it makes a day hard to get through. i should turn the music off for awhile. i promise you this, i will not write a song about it !!

and while i am on the subject of relationships. can i just tell you that, i have grown apart from almost every close friend i have. i choose to say "grown apart" because it is less painful then saying by fault or neglect of anyone. i am terrible at keeping relationships with people. i am scared to death of intimacy. vulnerability. i have lost my circle of friends, lost myself a little.

i can be a great friend. but i have a hard time letting someone be a friend to me.


jennifer summer said...

I adore you.

Just in case there was any doubt.

Anonymous said...

At least you feel something, much better than numb.

Embrace it. Live it. Let it go. Stretch your capacity for emotion. The secret to life is everything is ok when everything is not ok.

Anonymous said...